THE RUSS INTERVIEW (posted 10/04/03, file03.02)
No part of this interview may be reproduced in any way. Any illegal reproduction will result in Tom showing us his lopped of toe while Frank nibbles on the remains... I can hear the ecstacy in Tom's voice --- oh, oh, oh.
MNP: Russ, although you have been playing good poker in the past, you have not been to the top of the heap
as quarterly GMPP since June of 2001. Tell us, is this bad luck streak attributed to anything in particular?
Answer: I save my good luck for the Maverick Tournaments.- http://www.mondaynightpoker.com/events.html. Also, I
hear sacrificing my cat will help my luck, so I've been chasing the little bastard around with a pitchfork.
All righty, then... next question.
MNP: We here at MNP are sad to hear of recently resigned sports analyst and all around fat slob Rush
Limbaugh's addiction to oxycotin. Could you give us some insight on any addiction that you may have?
Answer: Addiction. Such an ugly word. I prefer to call my propensity for popping Flintstone vitamins twice a
minute "dependence". (mmmm. Wilma!)
MNP: We here at MNP have noticed that Seņor Snider (a.k.a. Butt-Chin) has started smoking pipes instead
of cigars. Tell us, Russ, what do you think attributed to this change?
Answer: Obviously Greg has not gotten over the "cigar incident" which happened at the biker bar that time.
Poor guy woke up with a fat cuban sticking out of his... Hey, I'd hate the sight of them also! Jimbo
stopped drinking widemouth Mickey bottles for the exact same reason.
MNP: This past quarter, Frank was disqualified from the quarterly GMPP contest. Why does Frank not have
his priorities straight?
Answer:Priorities straight? There is nothing "straight" about Frank. He has two kids, sure. So does
Rosie O'Donnell. Nobody has ever seen his "wife". Why? "she" is....MARK BECKMAN!
MNP: How would you play this hand: You are playing High Chicago, and have the King of Spades in the hole.
Tom is sitting there with 9 toes. What do you do?
Answer: I think about carnivals. Old time carnivals, with freakshows. "COME! SEE the Nine Toed Freak! SEE
the Laughing Quad!" Also I think about Jessica Alba, and what type of douche method she uses.
MNP: Summarize your greatest moment in the last poker quarter.
Answer: Probably winning $51 on 8/5. I spent it hiring a whip brandishing dominatrix gay couple to go to
Doug's house. Funny thing was I gave them the address of Doug's next door neighbor, to get the neighborhood
gossip started... *KNOCK KNOCK* "Hi, is Doug there?"
MNP: Summarize your angriest moment of the last poker quarter.
Answer: My angriest moment involved Frank, who just doesn't seem to understand that I'm heterosexual. Hand
on leg, SWAT. Hand on leg, SWAT. Give it up, dude.
MNP: Which is more aggravating: Having four kings lose to four aces, or having a king high straight flush
lose to a royal flush?
Answer: Both. Especially because it was the Nine Toed Freak who I lost to. One day I swear I'm going to jam
a Diet Snapple up his ass.
MNP: If you had a vote, who would you like to see as the next MNP Babe of the Month?
Answer: Ok, seriously- Rudi Bakhtiar from CNN. http://www.geocities.com/cnnhnfan/rudi31.jpg Get on it, Snider.
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