THE RUSS INTERVIEW (posted 1/5/00, file01.01)
No part of this interview may be reproduced in any way. Any illegal reproduction will result in an imbalance in your karmic spin cycle resulting in immediate evacuation of your bowels... or something.
MNP: I was looking at your stats from last year. Wow, you did really poorly. I mean just horrific! What have you done differently this year to culminate a $103 gain last week? Did you sell your soul to the devil?
Answer: Well, no - I didn't sell my soul. I think the "real me" has shown up for 2000. It took a while. I am the real me. No, I am. Asshole, he doesn't know we're Schizophrenic! HE'S OUR FRIEND!! Fuck you. Fuck you.
All righty, then... next question.
MNP: There are some at the poker table that say it is easy to tell when you are bluffing. Do you have anything you would like to say to them?
Answer: Yes, it is actually easy to tell. Which makes me wonder why these shmoes
kept staying in and giving me their hard earned cash.
MNP: Finish the sentence: Over time, as I've become a more astute poker player I have realized that...
Answer: Over time, as I've become a more astute poker player I have realized that...my close friends have subtle ways of letting me know if they'll fold on my bluff. For instance, Doug will look at his cards, then at me, then utter "he's a bluffing bitch." Then he will fold. Nice logic. Brian's back hair becomes ruffled and tangly right before he folds. Jimbo will fart. Greg , in a wonderfully cocky way, will exclaim to the table "He's got four-of-a-kind,I'll bet anyone here 5 bucks!"' As he folds.
MNP: If you could say anything to one of the poker regulars, who and what would it be?
Answer: "Doug, did God create you SPECIFICALLY to annoy me?"
MNP: What are your playoff/superbowl predictions?
Answer: Glad you asked. Big Daddy Russ, The Boyds Badass, Announces the NFL winners:
AFC:
TENN over BUFF and MIA over SEA
TENN over IND and JAX over MIA
TENN over JAX
NFC:
WASH over DET and MINN over DAL
WASH over TAMPA, MINN over StL
MINN over WASH (goddammit)
Super Bowl - Tennessee 31 , Minnesota 27. Bank on it.
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