THE OMAR INTERVIEW (posted 12/19/01, file12.06)
No part of this interview may be reproduced in any way. Any illegal reproduction will result in being trapped in a room with Keith and Santos while being forced to play poker with them for five hours.
MNP: You poignantly assigned Russ' theme song as "Superman" as he comes down the stairs. If you had to assign theme songs for each of the regulars at the poker table, what would those songs be?
Answer:
Greg: Baby Got Back (He likes big butts and he cannot lie...)
Tom: ...Baby One More Time (since he likes playing the same game he wins at)
Frank: either Chopin's Polonaise in A-Flat Major or Oops! I Did it Again. I can't decide.
MNP: Tell us how it feels to be a Hairy American God, loved by Gay Karaoke Bar Owners in the Philippines.
Answer: There are some things in life you just strive for, and then there are things in life you never realized you even wanted. This is neither of them.
MNP: Omar, we are playing Pepper Run. You have 5 Kings. Frank has a pair of sevens. How does this make you feel?
Answer: [chin quivers]...Why...do you...always...bring that up...? [sniff]
MNP: If you could say anything to one of the poker regulars, who and what would it be?
Answer: I would ask Rusty where the fuck my nudie cards are...
MNP: When you brought Heather (Your pseudo girlfriend) to the poker game, was it your intention to show her off, or just an opportunity to take her money?
Answer: No comment.
MNP: Finish the following sentence: The only thing worse than losing with 5 Kings is.....
Answer: ...folding with 5 aces and losing to a six-high while watching my family get raped in front of a television set playing "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" as I'm forced to say "I love you, Ricky Martin" over and ov--
actually, nothing is worse than losing with 5 Kings when I lose to FRANK...
MNP: Greg gets shit from us because he calls his wife almost every game (He has an excuse: His wife is pregnant and he loves her.) Tell us, Omar, what is your excuse for calling your girlfriend every game?
Answer: Once I become GMPP, I will have enough to buy back my nads. Until then, I must fulfill my obligations to the one who keeps them in a glass jar...
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