THE JIM INTERVIEW (posted 1/03/04, file04.01)
No part of this interview may be reproduced in any way. Any illegal reproduction will result in Tom regaining his eyesight and not telling us while taking all of our money left and right.
MNP: Your wife got a new car... like I said, your wife got a new car. Nice car, too bad you will never be able to touch it. Does the rage you feel knowing that you are paying for this car and are not even able to look at it spill over into your poker game?
Answer: Negative. When my ass touches a chair surrounding a poker table, nothing else
matters; time stands still, the outside world and all or my earthly cares are gone. While a nice, shiny hunk of metal is indeed nice, and my checkbook suffers more each month without driving said hunk of metal, well, on Monday nights, none of that matters.
MNP: How did it feel to have your wife burst in on one of our poker games only to berate you in front of all your friends while they snickered? I believe it was about you taking her car without her knowing and that her cigarettes were in it... (see question one as it was the result of this night).
Answer: See, the funny thing about that situation is that I had her OLD car! Damn
woman. Why do men get married anyway? Fucking A. My wife knows that poker is my time. We had a talk. It won't ever happen again...she has a bruise to remind herself.
MNP: If Doug were the President of the United States of America, would our economy be in a much better state? Please explain.
Answer: I think the better question is "What would Doug being President do to our
property values?". Jeez oh man, just the thought of Doug in any position of power greater than 'Dad' makes my hair stand on end.
MNP: You are famous for your brutal dealing at in-between. You have popped people for some serious cash in that game. Just a few weeks ago you got Frank Y. for 174.50 duckets. How does this make you feel - look deep inside and tell us how it makes you feel when someone has their rent money, or their mortgage money, or their daycare money ripped out from underneath them because of your dealing. Please explain.
Answer: I hate to be sepuchural, but I have to admit that I truly enjoy making stupid people go to ATMs when I "pop" them. Allow me to explain. Everyone knows (or at least as a newcommer is warned) that Jimmy Paulham is some kind of legend when it comes to in-between. Any fool who believes he will win a pot over $30, even with an Ace - Ace spread, deserves to lose his rent, mortgage AND daycare money. Damn I hate stupid people. I do however love dealing in-between.
MNP: Has there ever been an instance during a poker game that you can recall where you had an out-of-body experience and saw yourself beating one of the other players senseless? Oh, please do explain!
Answer: Um no. Isn't this a friendly game? C'mon interviewer, get with it!
(Please stay tuned for any future happenings)
MNP: Solve this equation: Rusty took some acid on Sunday. On Monday he took 2 more hits of acid than he did on Sunday. On Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday, Friday, and Saturday he took 2 more hits than the day before. By Saturday night he had taken 77 hits of acid in the whole week. How many acid hits did Rusty take on Wednesday? Is Rusty still alive?
Answer: Interesting. The answer is 11 hits on Wednesday. Rusty is definitely not
alive. Damn, poor Rusty.
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