THE GREG INTERVIEW (posted 8/01/03, file03.01)
No part of this interview may be reproduced in any way. Any illegal reproduction will result in Doug remembering how to play the games we have been playing for the last six years.
MNP: You have had a masterful run as GMPP. In fact for two of the last three quarters in 2002, you reigned as supreme GMPP. Tell us what happened in 2003?
Answer: Well, in 2003 I became gay... no wait, in 2003 I decided that if I didn't start playing lousy people would know I cheat... no, shit! Um, well, I decided that the answer to poker was eating some psychadelic mushrooms before we play. Now, you guys don't know it, but I really win every single hand. In fact, I have only had two hands that were not a Royal Flush since I began this brilliant idea. During this experiment Tom has become thin and Doug has begun to make sense. Russ has even started to look pretty! I recommend this to everyone! Woo hoo!
MNP: What does that do to your property value?
Answer: I wouldn't know because I lost my house to foreclosure because of the answer to number one. But I don't care because I am a master poker player!
MNP: Summarize your angriest moment of the last poker quarter.
Answer: Let's see. Playing 27-32. I am dealt Ace, Queen, six. I am dealt 27! Yes! Yes! Yes! Raise! Raise! Raise! Oh shit... Lose, lose, lose. Greg has a brain fart so massive that it actually made his lips quiver in anger when he realizes that he only had
17.5 points. Four deer and two miscellaneous rodents died on Greg's way home that night. And just ignore the tire marks out in the fields where Greg was chasing the animals around before he massacred them.
MNP: Summarize your greatest moment in the last poker quarter.
Answer: The game: Pepper Run. Greg looks at his down cards: 77. He gets an eight up... he bets reasonable, some drop some stay in... He gets another eight on the third card dealt up and bets more. Frank raises. Greg gets another eight on the last up card - 3 eights showing. Frank has been dealt a massive hand - he has four Kings and is betting his ass off because he knows he can crush Greg's four [probable] eights. The game continues and Frank gets a fifth King on the down card. The bet goes back and forth raising, raising. Finally the moment of truth. Greg flips his two sevens underneath and Frank's head completely explodes on the spot. Ah, life is good.
MNP: Tell us your true assessment of the Babe of the Month.
Answer: Well, I love women for their minds and not their bodies. Personally I think this whole idea is a complete disgrace to all women everywhere. Women should protest against this stuff. I mean, come on! What happens when a fat, ugly chick wants to be Babe of the Month? How unfair! Don't get me started on this subject because I could go on and on. Just the complete downfall to humanity... who decided this should go on this website anyway? Wait, um... never mind. Women are cool.
MNP: Do you have any words of wisdom to share with aspiring gambling addicts?
Answer: Gambling is bad. Eating mushrooms before gambling is even worse.
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