THE GREG INTERVIEW (posted 1/10/00, file01.05)
No part of this interview may be reproduced in any way. Any illegal reproduction will result in Rusty having to slap Doug silly and then yelling four-and-a-half while procreating with Jen. Hmmm... could be worth it!
MNP: Three of the six core players have cool nicknames - Snidely, Rusty J., and Jimbo. Can you create nicknames for Brian, Doug, and Jen?
Answer: Let's see. For Brian I would have to go with "damn, I wish I had a real hockey team." For Doug, boy this is a hard one... for Doug I'm gonna say "dude, are you playin'!" And finally, for Jen... Jen would have to be "www.fisting.com." I realize that these are long for nicknames so I came up with a plan. If you want to get Brian's attention just yell "ow, my groin!" To get Doug's attention just yell "ahhhhh! Kerplunk." And to get Jen's attention just yell "anyone want to give me a hand?" Hmmm... still not making it any easier. Well, how about B, D, and J?
MNP: Discuss your Butt-Chin.
Answer: I wish you hadn't asked about that. Unfortunately, since I never lie I must tell you the truth. It is not a genuine butt-chin. Many years ago I was abducted by aliens and this is what they did... they wanted to do a full anal probe on me and I totally freaked out - not to mention they found the tattoo on my ass that says, "exit only." This overwhelmingly confused them, but since their leader needed some answers "right fucking now," I convinced them that humans had two butts. I told them that most of our species' second butt is their mouth (not too hard to believe on most people hearing the shit that comes out of them). They were so happy they jumped for joy. However, during their celebration one of them slipped and sat right on the anal probe distracting him for quite some time. During the struggle that ensued between me and the other alien, I was hit in the chin with a laser blast... It scared me so much that I farted a vicious Snidely fart and they all died. And thus, the story of the Snidely butt-chin. (Oh, and because of this, I saved the planet from certain alien takeover, you can thank me by getting my ante).
MNP: You call your wife every game, during the game. Does this make you pussy-whipped? Explain.
Answer: Yes. The funny thing is that you think I'm calling my wife, but it's actually your mom!
MNP: Does holding a cigar in your mouth for hours have any phallic undertones?
Answer: No. Why, who told you that? It's a lie! Don't believe any of it... I swear dude. It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
MNP: If you could say anything to one of the poker regulars, who and
what would it be?
Answer: To Rusty J: Did you tell everyone about the cigar? That was our secret, dammit! Next time I won't be so gentle, and I'll use a double churchill!
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